In lieu of an abstract, below is the essay's first paragraph.
"If my friends knew the truth, I'd never live it down. Not that they ever attend the symphony- at least the majority attend less frequently than I do. However, I have established a reputation as an art lover, if only by my friend's lax standards, and I fear the day that someone discerns the truth and exposes my hypocrisy. The truth is that, short of a course in "Prose Writers of the Norman Conquest" or a trip to the ophthalmologist, I can't think of anything more boring than a night at the symphony. I realize that for most people this goes without saying, but understand that not only do I attend the symphony several times a year, but I have devoted entire evenings to subscription drives, pleading with strangers for a forty dollar increase in their membership status, eating soggy tuna-fish sandwiches and drinking bad jug wine, while my friends were out rocking and rolling."
"Fear And Loathing In The Concert Hall; A Survival Primer,"
The Angle: Vol. 1985
, Article 4.
Available at: https://fisherpub.sjfc.edu/angle/vol1985/iss1/4