In lieu of an abstract, below is the essay's first paragraph.
"I know I could have her any time that I want and I know that she wants me even more. Don't mistake my certainty for over-confidence or a cocky sort of attitude 'cause I ain't about all that. Fact is, I can tell just by looking at a girl's eyes whether she want to bed me or not. Anyway, as if I needed to explain myself to you in the first place. You should be so lucky that I tell you anything at all. I mean, this is my life that you're reading about isn't it? I never really could figure out why people sit down with their pen and paper thinking that their words mean something. 'Cause as soon as idiot knuckle heads like you get a hold of the stuff it's as worthless as Christianity in Ethiopia everyone anticipates this great exchange, when all it ever amounts to is all take and no give. But like I was saying, this girl needs me real bad, right? And she's been sending the eye through this here crowded room all night long. You know, one of those sorry-ass stuffy inner-city houses that have "College-Dormers-Living-Off-Campus-For-The-Semester'' written all over them. And, as if the requisite dart board and too-cheesy-for-me portable bar with neon lights isn't bad enough they've seen to it to invite every beer-suckin, titty-twistin, exam-flunking dork on campus. And so I'm wondering (don't bother me, okay): Self, would you bother moving off campus and endure extra commutes just so that you could not-quite-afford to drag everyone else off of campus to come to your house? But my self can't answer that question right now because the girl with the moist panties is staring me in the eye again. Well, like I said, she wants my sex something fierce. I almost never have to ask for it. Actually, I don't ever have to. Only sometimes I do it to humor the other person. Can you believe it? She's actually coming over here to me right now. I hate to say it, but I told you ... wait a minute, I don't have to say it because you've probably read it somewhere before. Anyway I got to go right now to take care of business if you know what I mean, but I'll be back right away."
Howard, Brian P.
"Shooting the Shit,"
The Angle: Vol. 1995
, Article 31.
Available at: http://fisherpub.sjfc.edu/angle/vol1995/iss1/31