In lieu of an abstract, below is the essay's first paragraph.
"In the beginning, God created the heaven and earth, the plants and animals, and man. The man was intrigued by his world, but alas was lonely. And so God created woman, and the man was pleased. But after a while, the woman got boring for the man because she would not play in the dirt with him, or roll over, or play dead. And so God made man a companion and called it "dog." The woman was now mad at the man and dog because they ignored her and went off to play by themselves, so she called to God and asked if she could have an animal playmate. And so God created an animal that would be as moody and changable as the woman would be. He created the cat."
"The Function Of A Cat,"
The Angle: Vol. 1989
, Article 23.
Available at: http://fisherpub.sjfc.edu/angle/vol1989/iss1/23